off off and away
Old Friends
cheers to old friends. nothing makes me feel more at home than my best friends from high school (although, can I still call them HS friends? they are now, officially, college friends, too).
talking to A.W. made me realize a lot of things…. mainly if I am happy with my life on cruise control right now. I am always on the same page as her in terms of emotional things…. A.A. said it best, “you two are on the same emotional page, but the rest of society isn’t.” yet, even A.W. seems to view things differently than me. hearing her talk about her boyfriend and how she misses him strikes a strange chord in me. her views on her relationship are extremely rational—maybe this is why I love talking to her, because I am too rational for my own good—but I still can’t justify some of the risks she’s taken. yet… she’s happy and successful. I don’t know if I can say the same for myself.
A.A. seems to be on a great path towards success, and I’m happy for her. I idolize this about her.. she’s had the same goal since 7th grade and she’s worked hard to complete it. never once made a mistake or deviated from her goal. never once did anything to compromise that goal. and, in a few months, I hope she can successfully complete it. I look at myself and wonder “why don’t I have this kind of motivation? am I just governed by the thoughts of my parents? my surroundings? my friends? what amIgoing to do?”
A.K. has a certain liberty with this. she is content knowing that she’s figuring it out… yet, she’s in no way laid back about her ambitions. she’s relentless and aggressive, while maintaining a broad range of possible paths to follow. how she does this.. I will never know. I also admire this about her.
then there’s C.W. perhaps we are so close because we are the same. aggressive towards the things we want, without being able to namewhywe want these things. we both mess up. but somehow.. he treks forward… so perhaps I should too…
talking to A.W. especially made me question my future plans. I don’t really know WHAT I’m going to do in the future. I didn’t apply to the early BA/MD program for this reason….
blah. I don’t know where this self-reflection came from. I can’t thank god enough for the friends I have. they push me in the right directions and I can confide anything in them… I’m so lucky to have people that care about me and motivate me in all the right ways.
right now I feel lost, but I know A.W. only wants the best for me…. sigh..
love this part haha
I look at my network of college friends and think, “does everyone just want to partyall the time?”then I talk to brilliance itself—vatsal, nilesh, shital—and I feel at home. not because I feel brilliant, but because their excellence inspires me to become so. I wonder if this is the downfall of going to a state school…. I can’t seem to find as many motivated, aggressive people as I knew in high school. I feel the most at ease driving around with cliff or eating in downtown NB with ami or simply talking to angela for just a few minutes. there is no replacement for those friends.
I feel like my life is good right now. success and positive things really inspire me. I used to think rejection made me work harder, that feeling inadequate made me fight, but that is no longer true. little bits of success and a glimpse of what my futurecould be likeinspires me.
I have many things to do, but I want to just sit down and do them, and make things fall into place for myself. I’m still trying to figure out “what I want to do” or if I’ll even end up in med school.
I have too many hobbies.
I also went to temple by myself for the first time. I will definitely be going more often. happy birthday to murugan :)
"Just look at the animals, at the birds; nobody is worried, nobody is sad, nobody is frustrated.
You don’t see a buffalo freaking out. He is perfectly contented chewing the same grass every day. He is almost enlightened. There is no tension; there is a tremendous harmony with nature, with himself, with everything as it is. Buffaloes don’t make parties to revolutionize the world, to change buffaloes into super buffaloes, to make buffaloes religious, virtuous. No animal is concerned at all with human ideas.
And they all must be laughing: “What has happened to you? Why can’t you be just yourself as you are? What is the need to be somebody else?”
So the first thing is a deep acceptance of yourself."
You don’t see a buffalo freaking out. He is perfectly contented chewing the same grass every day. He is almost enlightened. There is no tension; there is a tremendous harmony with nature, with himself, with everything as it is. Buffaloes don’t make parties to revolutionize the world, to change buffaloes into super buffaloes, to make buffaloes religious, virtuous. No animal is concerned at all with human ideas.
And they all must be laughing: “What has happened to you? Why can’t you be just yourself as you are? What is the need to be somebody else?”
So the first thing is a deep acceptance of yourself."
"I always wonder why
birds stay
in the same place
when they can fly
anywhere on the earth.
Then I ask myself
the same question."
birds stay
in the same place
when they can fly
anywhere on the earth.
Then I ask myself
the same question."
excel, web development, foreign language
